Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
