He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
