The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
