I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
