I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
