found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
