Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
