she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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