I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
