Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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