A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
