trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
