Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize