Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
