And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
