i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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