and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
