so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
