mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
