Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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