I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
