If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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