I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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