I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
