It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
