so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your cock deserves a montage
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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