apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize