Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the night ended with taco bell and tears
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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