Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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