oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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