I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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