If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize