There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
