She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
