I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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