Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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