I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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