dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
