Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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