Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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