went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize