He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
