Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
