You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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