We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
