I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
