do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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