She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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