thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize