If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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