I got chris browned last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
