the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
