I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
