We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
