my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
