So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
