youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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