so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
