I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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