then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
