Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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