Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
