operation have a gay friend backfired
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
