what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
