Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need moral support for this bender
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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