what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
