so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
