Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
