Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
