I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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